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Hubby and I arrived home from vacation this morning…5am to be exact. We were fortunate to be able to tack on another day to our vacation as my boss texted me on Friday to let me know that he changed my schedule around and I didn’t have to come in until Tuesday (I’m working Thursday instead)…so we used the time to spend an extra day with my aunt and uncle…which was good.

I meant to blog during the trip, started to actually, but most nights I was just too tired. I’m kind of upset about that now as I kind of had an unfortunate accident with my phone (where most of my pictures from the trip are)…so I don’t know if I’ll be able to save them or what.

Michigan was low key for the most part. My friend worked a lot when we were there, but we still got to spend time with her. It was hard though, seeing her in the position she is in. It took a lot out of hubby and I emotionally to deal with her. I hope we helped her but it was hard to tell.

We did manage a trip to Mackinac Island on my birthday and I really enjoyed it. I want to go again, after doing some research first. We ended up just jumping on the ferry and going over without a plan…which was okay, but if we had an idea of what to expect first…it probably would have been a better trip. We ended up spending most of the time at the fort, then at dinner and went back. Then we crossed the bridge to the UP and visited Castle Rock which we both enjoyed.

We left Michigan on Thursday and spent the next two days in Indiana with my Aunt and Uncle. That was definitely the highlight of the trip. On Friday we went on a tour of Amish country and tried so much yummy food. My Aunt stocked me up with tons of stuff to bring home, muffin and gravy mixes, cheese and cold cuts. And we had ice cream while we shopped and it was one of the best ice creams I’ve ever had. That night we went out to dinner at a Mexican food chain and then my cousin took us to a bonfire that his friends were having. Before the bonfire we did a beer run at a store that specializes in craft beer. That was fantastic. We picked up a mixed six pack for ourselves and then one for Hubby’s friend (who is a professional brewer). The bonfire was fun. Hubby was adopted into the fold but I wasn’t feeling overly sociable.

The next day my aunt and uncle took us back to Michigan (they live close to the border) as we had wanted to pick up some Michigan wine for Hubby’s boss. We ended up at the Round Barn, which is a winery, brewery and distillery in one location. We did not try any of their spirits, but the wine was decent (the DiVine Black Walnut is rather legendary). It was way too crowded however, and the first girl that helped us was overworked and didn’t do much else aside from pour our selections without telling us anything about them. Towards the end someone else stepped in, who was much more personable but by that time we were on our last samples. I’m happy to say that the two we ended up bring home (the aformentioned black walnut and the Redel Doux were served by the new girl). We then went over to the brewery and was disappointed that they were not doing tastings. We did try two of their offerings and I fell in love with their porter. Overall the place was a win and I’d love to go back.

 

We headed back to NY on Sunday, but didn’t get home until 5am Monday morning…now it’s back to work for 3 days, then another busy weekend (fourth in a row!). After that, hopefully life will go back to normal.

On the Road (Almost)

My work week is finally over. It wasn’t the worst week ever, but it definitely will be a contender with weeks I do not want to experience again. I don’t like blogging about work as blogging about work can get complicated…but basically we got hit with a storm and about 4:30am Wednesday morning I awoke to a power outage. 

We have a generator at work so I grabbed the directions, headed outside and attempted to get it running. I still had an hour before I had to be up and working, so I figured I’d get the power running again, then get a least 45 minutes of sleep before getting back up. That did not happen. First, I couldn’t get the generator moved out from the little shed we keep it in (both wheels were flat). I finally did get it moved (and I am SERIOUSLY feeling it today…my boss actually said he was surprised that I moved it at all)…then spend another 15 minutes fighting to get it plugged in. Finally got it plugged in and got it running…just to go inside and find out that it was doing jack shit and I had to call my boss. Luckily the electricity came back on before too long so it wasn’t a major issue…and I later discovered that the directions we had…were only about half the directions. There was a whole ‘nother process to follow AFTER the generator was running. But we won’t get into that…

So needless to say…I spend Wednesday craving a nap and today just feeling sore, grumpy and unmotivated to do just about anything, including any packing.

I did get most of it done though. We’re probably going to get a later start tomorrow as we still need to load up the car, I have to stop at the bank, and we will probably stop at Family Dollar for a few things we forgot to pick up at the grocery store…then hit the road. Fortunately we already planned to break the trip into two days so we’re not rushed…then at the end of the week we’re going to visit my Aunt and Uncle in Indiana Thursday into Friday and come home Saturday. When I was in college I went out to visit them a few times, but I haven’t seen them since my wedding so I’m looking forward to it. 

Right now though, I think I need some sleep. 

It’s Almost Time For Vacation!

This past weekend, Hubby and I drove down to NJ so I could spend Father’s Day with my Dad. It was a pretty low key weekend, Hubby did a lot of work around the house for my parents and we squeezed in a trip to the Cape May Zoo, which is one of my favorite places to visit when I’m in the area. We did have a bit of a problem with our pet sitter however, which was unfortunate. Nothing major. The pups and cat are all okay, but he couldn’t handle the puppies. We were able to hang on to him until we returned late yesterday night (Sunday) but it did put a kink into our plans for next week…

After this week of work, Hubby and I are leaving to go to Michigan to visit my best friend. Up until this weekend, we hadn’t made any solid plans. We just figured that we would find a motel or something to stay in and kind of just travel at our leisure…but then we couldn’t find a pet sitter, and I wasn’t keen on putting them in a kennel…and let’s face it, it was hard enough leaving them for a weekend…forget about leaving them a whole week when they are still so young. So we spend lots of time between Friday night and Sunday afternoon figuring things out and eventually we decided that we were going to take the puppies with us and we were going to camp. We made reservations for a campsite at a state park out in MI, bought and borrowed ourselves some camping supplies and we should be mostly all set. We’re planning on taking two days each way of traveling, so those stops aren’t planned, and we’re going to take a detour to Indiana to visit my Aunt and Uncle (still have to call them about that) but at least the major part of the trip is set. 

I have no idea how much I’ll be posting during the next few weeks. I might try to at least post pictures that I take on my iPhone, or something but it all depends on whether I have dependable service. Last time I was in MI, there was no service in certain areas so who knows. Most likely I’ll be posting as much as possible on Twitter

In a Battle Against Nature, Nature Always Wins

My hubby is an outdoorsy kind of guy. This never fails to surprise me, as he is normally found holed up in front of a computer monitor…but mention the word hike or canoe to him and he’s all over it.

I am not an outdoors person unless I am sitting outside reading, or behind the lens of my camera. I do enjoy going for walks, leisurely, unchallenged walks…and I enjoy swimming. Beyond that though, not a fan.

But since I am living in an area that is so abundant in ourdoorsy activities…I’ve been trying to cultivate an interest. And, as I’ve already established that I enjoy walking…hiking seemed like the best gateway activity for me. The fact that Amazon had a very awesome sale on hiking shoes a few weeks ago sealed the deal and as soon as the boots arrived, we planned a trip to Giant Ledge.

We probably should have researched this trail before setting off as this is NOT a good beginners trail, especially for someone who suffers from inner ear issues that screws with her balance (that would be moi)…and who also hates heights (holy crap, did you see those pictures on that link!). But I mustered up some bravado, pulled up my big girl panties and we took off. Slowly. Very slowly as I carefully plotted each step. 

As we inched our way up the trail, I started getting more confident…which obviously spelled disaster. Just as I thought I was kicking the trails ass, my foot slipped while trying to climb over a sizable rock…and well, my face broke my fall. Blood was everywhere. Dripped on my already beat up glasses (which miraculously survived) my hands and arms. My jeans. Somehow my shirt managed to avoid the gore…

My first reaction was to freak the eff out. I do not handle pain nor my blood very well. In the past, I have been known to pass out/throw up from much more minor things (TB tests, getting stitches removed, spraining an ankle, etc) but my big girl panties stayed on and while I cried…I managed to stay conscious and not throw up. Even when hubby announced that he did not have magical abilities that would be able to summon help and/or a quick, pain free trip back down the mountain to the car. So instead Hubby helped me clean up best as he could, and some helpful hikers gave us some extra first aid supplies. Then we turned around and painstakingly made our way down the mountain.

Of course all the confidence I had on the trail earlier was completely shattered. It was one thing to go up the mountain, but now we were going down the mountain and the threat of gravity was just too strong so I decided that I would crawl down the mountain on my ass. And yes, it took forever but I managed to get off the mountain without any more injuries. 

We then drove to the nearest ER where I was taken right in. I guess when your face is scraped up and your lips are fatter than Angelina Jolie after botox it looks super bad. Thankfully nothing was broken. My teeth however are loose so I went to see a dentist on Tuesday, and I go back on Monday. So far they are intact, but loose and out of place. I’m hoping the dentist can help as my parents spent thousands of dollars worth of orthodontia when I was a teenager, and I’d hate like hell for my teeth to be ruined after that…but I guess I’m fortunate that having a snaggle tooth is preferable to a head injury or a facial fracture. I’m also thankful that my pain has been fairly manageable…or at least nothing a few Aleve haven’t been able to keep in check. 

I will probably go hiking again…but trust me, I will be doing my research first. 

 

So Tired

I’m still grieving Gatsby. Or rather, I’ve yet to grieve. I cried on Monday, directly after finding his body…but that was more out of shock than anything. Since then though, I’ve been too busy. I went to work on Tuesday and since then it’s been a steady go, go, go. So far I’ve only had off most of yesterday and a few hours today and  both days I’ve been careful to keep my mind occupied so that I can’t focus on my loss. It’s probably not a good course of action though, as I’m sure the first time I have more than a few moments to idly think…it’s going to hit me and it’s not going to be pretty. My sister sent me a text message today, asking how I was doing and until then I hadn’t realized that I hadn’t really let myself grieve. I’ve just been too busy. Too busy, and too tired.

I’m tired. It’s not a physical tiredness so much, as an emotional tired. For three months straight, I’ve been putting myself aside in order to give myself to other people. I’m supporting my husband, both emotionally and financially. I’ve been giving my parents a lot of emotionally support while my Dad is recovering from his surgery and a subsequent illness…plus dealing with my youngest sister who, at 23 years old is still very immature and puts a tremendous stress on my parents. And then there is the ever ongoing issues with my best friend. With each passing day, my frustration level with my friend, her soon to be ex, her lawyer and the entire legal system grows exponentially. I hate to admit that, yes, my friend is frustrating…but I can’t deny it. My reaction is to fight but she is at the point where she doesn’t want to fight anymore…she just doesn’t have it in her anymore…and so I get frustrated. Probably because I’m just so tired of feeling as though I have to support everyone around me. Physically I’m just a little girl and I just cannot see how I can still stay standing with everyone leaning against me.

And then Gatsby goes and gets himself killed. Not even two years ago and he gets himself in trouble and I couldn’t save him. The most vulnerable of everyone around me and I completely failed him. I know it’s irrational. I know that I wasn’t even home when he went outside but I can’t help but feel that at least partially I am at fault. I was too distracted to think anything other than Gatsby was going on an adventure and would come home on his own. I was too distracted to decide to go out right away and search for him. Instead I left him die less than 500 yards from home, alone and scared. 

I really need something good to happen. I’m really not sure how much longer I can be strong for everyone and continue to support everyone around me. Who’s going to support me? 

Sometimes I Just Want to Scream

My work was (or is, as I still have to work tomorrow) overwhelming. It was one thing after another. Hopefully tomorrow’s extra five hours will be okay…but I’m not holding my breath I’m sure something else will come up The good thing is that I will have Monday off so I will still have three full days off. Sunday morning will be very full with the breakfast..but a good kind of busy The distracting kind.

When my husband picked me up today at work, he had to break the news to me that Gatsby (one of our cats) is missing and has been missing since Monday. And so I am worried. My Mom tried to assure me that he probably has a secret hiding spot he likes, and will come home when he gets hungry and tired of fending for himself but I’m worried.

The drama with my friend is still ongoing. Nothing new, it’s still the same situation as she waits for the court date to finally get unhitched from the POS (piece of shit) that is her soon to be ex…but it’s stressful, sad, lonely and frustrating for her. And frustrating and completely maddening for me as I’m mostly just a spectator in this and all I want to do is drive out to MI and punch the POS in his junk. Finally today, after the culmination of everything that already happened this week…I kind of cracked and shot off an email to my friend’s lawyer about a specific concern that should have been dealt with ages ago. I was very impressive and my friend now thinks I should be a paralegal. So, I’m taking it as a win. 

Tonight’s plan was going to be spent watching movies on Netflix but hubby’s friends came over for a game night (it was suppose to be held somewhere else). Not a huge deal, but I really was looking forward to a night to myself…especially after the week I’ve been having.

Drowning, then Breathing

The last few weeks I was struggling. I had fallen into the grips of depression, and I could not fight my way out of it. 

I am no stranger to depression. Since my teen years I have faced this particular demon, and while with each passing episode, it gets better, I have better tools, support…it still rocks me to the core and leaves me fragile.

Sometimes I know the culprit that let the demon into my life. Sometimes I don’t. This time around, there were many culprits. Trying to be a rock for my best friend. Supporting my parents during a lengthy illness. Trying to be a good wife. Dealing with two puppies at the same time, while still trying to be a good cat Mommy. Then I got sick. And sick again. 

It was a lot. Some I shared on here, more I shared with Hubby…but a lot I internalized. And yeah, you can guess how that worked out.

So for the past few weeks I felt pretty miserable but did my best to hide it. 

But thankfully things are getting better. My friend and parents are better than they were. Hubby and I are communicating a lot better than we had been. My puppies are growing and becoming more manageable (I will no doubt get more dogs in my lifetime, but never more puppies). 

Yesterday I even indulged in some retail therapy. We took a trip up to Binghamton so I could go to the Goodwill where I spent (no lie) 3 hours shopping. I walked out with something like 6 new shirts, 3 new pair of jeans and 4 books. Hubby picked up a few things for himself as well and together we spent a whopping $55. 

This morning I even felt motivated enough to cook up a huge batch of french toast for us (we ate it for brunch, then again for dinner!) and then I caught up with sorting through a huge pile of laundry that somehow got washed, but never got put away. I was wondering why it seemed as though I was going through my laundry way too quickly.

I have a few busy weekends coming up. Hopefully I’ll have enough downtime so I don’t get overwhelmed.

A Little Unwell

I was sick, again, Wednesday evening at work. I had been fine all day and then suddenly I was not fine. Then, probably should be going to the ER, not fine. It  was bad. Brutal. Honestly? I do not think I have ever been as sick as I was. I literally called my Mom sobbing from being in extreme pain. What was worse? I was stuck at work.

I was okay the next day, although I went to the walk in after I got done work. I was diagnosed with a stomach virus, but both my Mom and I suspect that I had a gallbladder attack as I have had bad stomach pains before, after eating fatty/greasy meals. Prior to getting sick on Wednesday, I had eaten lunch at Burger King. Of course with a problem gallbladder, it only is inflamed during an actual attack, so it was back to normal size by the time I saw a doctor…so now my Mom made me promise that I would avoid greasy food and if I did start getting those stomach pains like I have in the past…to go to the ER then and there and get checked out.

So now I’m cautious about what I eat. Silverlining…when I weighed myself Friday (after not eating since Wednesday afternoon), I discovered I lost 5 pounds.

Mentally, I’ve been out of sorts all weekend as well. Part of it I’m sure was fear of having another attack (did I mention the excruciating pain?) and part of it was the fact it was Mother’s Day and I felt homesick and all sorts of conflicted about the holiday. And probably the fact the weather, aside from today, has been fairly miserable didn’t help matters. 

Hubby and I are in the process of working on a project though, so when we get the details ironed out I’ll be reveling some info on it. It should be good and I’m excited about it.

My Dad

On Saturday, Hubby and I went to visit my in-laws as my Mother in Law was leaving for Ireland the next day. While we were there, my Father in Law gives us money so that we could treat  ourselves to a dinner out that evening as we were heading out to do a few errands in town. 

We decided to stop by our favorite place in town, The Penguin Cafe. They seriously have the best food you can image, good beer and the ice cream. Oh  the ice cream. Unfortunately though, we pulled in and discovered that they were closed. We were disappointed as we don’t have a chance to visit too often. So we  went somewhere else for pizza, no ice cream.

This morning, I decided to visit the Cafe’s Facebook site and let them know that I was disappointed that they were closed (when their page said they were open). I left my comment and then returned to Facebook a little later to discover that my Dad had seen my post and had chipped in with the ever helpful advice for me to “learn how to cook”. 

I really need to introduce him to the Penguin. 

Yucky

Wednesday morning at work I woke up with some stomach issues.  I spend some time in the bathroom, not to get too graphic, but after I felt fine and I was able to eat normally the rest of the day. I figured that perhaps I had eaten something that didn’t agree with me. Thursday though, I woke up really neauseated. Didn’t actually spend time in the bathroom but the entire day all I managed to consume were tiny sips of water…mostly in order to avoid dehydration. It didn’t really work and by the end of the day I was also headachey, feverish and dizzy.

I felt better on Friday. No real appetite but I was able to eat. Saturday and today I woke up actually hungry but as the day wore on and I actually had proper meals…I still feel off. 

Then there’s the fact that I have been extra crabby with hubby. Like every single thing he did this weekend, bothered me in ways that was way out of proportion. 

I think PMS is totally kicking my ass, on top of probably having a slight stomach bug on top of it. It probably doesn’t help either that it’s now May, and although we no longer have snow, and the grass is green and the trees are coming in bloom…the weather’s been gloomy and chilly and I’m desperate for warm sunshine so I can sit outside in something other than a jacket or sweatshirt and not freeze.

*sigh*